i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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