if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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