I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
