I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
