Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
