Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
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