Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
