Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
