i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
