I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I faked an abortion last night.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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