Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
