where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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