I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
