Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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