The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Im part way to drunk.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
