I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
