Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
