Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
