Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
