this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
