You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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