Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
