Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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