Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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