If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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