I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
