i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
