I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
