i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize