I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
