I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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