Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I had to cum in my sink.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
