He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
