I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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