Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
