My Higher Power is John Stamos
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
my poor anus
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
