just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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