someone owes me an orgasm
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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