dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
