i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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