Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
