please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
