So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
