Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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