People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
