This girl is more easily done than said...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
