how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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