She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
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My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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