just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
