dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
