yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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