He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
