Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
