he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
