you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
