I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize