He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
