Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
