dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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