i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
