I'm so fucking centered right now
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is classic penis vs brain.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
