is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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