i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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