i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
