I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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