So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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