DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
