First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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