god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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