Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
