I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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