Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
