apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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