i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
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Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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